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astral piracy is up 200% this year and is now the number one cause of hemorrhoids in the multiverse
For The Record

jon
jon
June 4, 2012

00

The Aethership Agnivayu is one of a small fleet of mercenary Experience Trawlers that will retrieve your lost data from the holographic storage of the metaversal theosphere, where everything that ever happened is kept in compressed form. If you can’t remember your prom night they’ll get a copy for you by Tuesday, via your choice of telepathic infosquirt or eight-track cassette.

“By Tuesday?” you blurt, accustomed to the convenience of instantaneous downloads and microwaveable foods. “That’s too late, I’ll remember it in my imagination by then.”

And then you ride off angrily on your alpaca, over a nearby cliff into the sharp rocks below, and die. Which is really stupid of you.

 

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Tags: akashic records, astral piracy, crusty barnacles, stellar cartography

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