Did God’s parents drop him a lot when he was a baby? Into a clothes dryer, maybe? It’s the only reason I can imagine that God has such issues with clothing.

First, we were all supposed to be nude. Then, it wasn’t okay to be nude anymore after the apple incident. Fine. Then came special headwear, leather straps, mystical underwear, and a prohibition on mix-and-match fabrics. Don’t get me started on pope hats.

Next I suppose we’ll all have to wear socks on our dangly bits and don day-glo eye patches. If God is real, he’s a fucking lunatic.