I want to live forever but not if everyone else gets to do it also. It would be like high school all over again, the same people every day for an eternity and no way to escape from them. Eventually, you’re going to want to graduate. What we really need is some sort of life after death, an afterlife if you will. That would be sweet. Science, get cracking on that, okay?

You probably didn’t know you wanted a satanic chicken action figure, but you totally do. Only ten bucks, too.